When Everyone Else Is Pregnant

You open your phone and WHAM. Another announcement. A scan photo. A bump update. A gender reveal. Another little happy family who are of course, delighted with their news.

You smile for them, but feel that deep familiar ache in your stomach. Just a little voice saying, ‘why couldn’t that have been me’.

Whether you’re going through IVF, thinking about it, or just somewhere in the exhausting cycle of waiting, it can feel like all you see is other people’s joy. It’s a grief that keeps on giving month after month.

“Hope and grief live side by side in the trying-to-conceive journey.”

– Dr Jessica Zucker

The part no one sees

There’s so much people don’t see… The superstitious rituals. The pregnancy tests haunting you in the bathroom cupboard. The sting of every negative test. The mental maths of when to test, when to hope, when to expect disappointment…

The Google searches at 2am. The supplements. The acupuncture. The cancelled plans because your body needs rest. The holiday you didn’t go on ‘just in case’ you might be pregnant.

Often, you are doing all of this while working, caring for others, being with friends, replying to messages, smiling at pregnancy announcements. Masking the internal scream.

Sometimes, even those closest to you don’t quite get it, which can feel incredibly lonely.

“Unrecognised grief is still grief.”

– Dr Thema Bryant

The grief of being left behind

When you're trying to conceive, it can feel like everyone else is moving forward with their lives while you're standing still.

Your social media feed might feel like a parade of bumps. Your friends just start to talk about night feeds and nap times and you feel left behind. Not through anyone’s fault, but simply because your life is following a different, more painful timeline.

And with each month that passes, there is that thought of what could have been. What the due date would have been. When would you be able to ‘tell people at work’. What might your baby look like. Your future just dissolving time after time.

It’s not jealousy, it’s heartbreak

You may find yourself caught between emotions. You are happy for your friends, but you are still sad for you. This is not bitterness. It’s not selfishness. It’s grief. A complex, layered grief made up of hope, fear, love and exhaustion.

You may feel ashamed for feeling how you feel, which only adds another layer of pain. But what if you didn’t need to justify how you felt?

Therapy for the quiet places

Often in therapy, this voice can finally be heard. Therapy doesn’t fix the problem and it can’t offer guarantees or promises, but it can offer space. To grieve without being rushed. To feel angry without being told to be grateful. Or just to be where you are, in all your raw honesty.

It’s a place where the masks are allowed to come off and where you don’t need to be ‘strong’.

You are not broken

Whatever stage you’re in - starting to try, deep in the IVF process, reeling from a loss, or unsure whether to keep going, I want you to know this:

You are not broken.

You are not weak.

You are not alone.

You are navigating something incredibly difficult. And still, here you are, showing up, even on days which feel impossible.

With warmth,

Sian 🙏🏼

Inner Space Counselling